Science fantasy I'm working on

Michael · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 12:31 pm Post subject: Science fantasy I'm working on

This is a work in progress. I wouldn't mind critiques on plot and character develoment.

Sun on the Wave enjoyed his friend's game since it was harmless. He felt the energy surge through his body, adding more thrust to his back fin kick as he swam away from the sharks.

Compared to Sun on the Wave, sharks had no intelligence, no power, and they were slow.

Like the Ancestors, the Doloi relied on sound and echolocation, but it was more than that—much more. Sun on the Wave and all those of the new Families could think and move in ways that no Ancestor could. He could create a barrier of sound around his body that would hide him even from others of his kind. He could also use sound as a means of propulsion.

Sun on the Wave suspected that the Doloi might be capable of more than he had experienced, since it was obvious to him that the power of their minds contributed to their abilities. The Doloi could truly sing to the Sea and Sky.

The sharks that chased him, although essential to the ecosystem, remained lost in the darkness that was minimal consciousness. They could not hope to catch him.

It only bothered Sun on the Wave a little that the sharks would have to seek their dinner elsewhere. Disturbing the swarms was a game, but it was not one he liked to play often. The reason he had agreed this time was that the swarm had found an injured whale with children that were too young to fend for themselves or understand the consequences.

The game was a favorite of his friend from one of the other Families, which was partly why they had named him Swims with Shark. There was another reason that had to do with Swims with Shark's tenuous connection to one of the Earth People.

The loose Council formed by the Families trusted Swims with Shark but they did not trust any of the Earth People, and they were wary of that one in particular. Those on the land threatened the ocean and all the Doloi knew it.

Which was, of course, why none understood the strange psychic connections that some Doloi shared with Earth People.
Sun on the Wave felt a similar link to a person on the land and was uncertain what to think or do about it.

The shark had stopped chasing him and seemed about to return to the scent of blood. Sun on the Wave turned then and blasted the shark with a mild wave of sonar to regain its attention.

The beast opened its jaws to reveal rows of teeth and renewed the chase.
Sun on the Wave saw the reef that was his destination when he turned again. He would lose his pursuer in the reef and perhaps allow it to find another meal.

When he had gone far enough, Sun on the Wave activated his shields and then began to redirect the shark with sonar.

Then the beast swam deeper into the reef.

Sun on the Wave felt relieved. Now he had to find Swims with Shark to learn if all the sharks had dispersed.

The Council had decided that the Ancestors and all Families with similar potential should be protected, although they did not know how to prevent all the dangers. The Earth People, for one, were formidable and probably killed more whales than sharks did.

That's all I've got for now. Thank's in advance!

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kiwusek · Joined: 16 Apr 2007 Posts: 30

Clearly you have an awesome imagination... The originality is really good... Originality is something most stories seem to lack today. They follow a grooved track that was created and built upon fantasy and sci-fi pioneers. So keep up the good work mate!