Mario
Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 1
Location: Youghal
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 Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 12:21 pm Post subject: Just a short fanatasy I wrote and want to improve |
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A girl was running down the street. She knew she couldn’t look back. She couldn’t slow done. Having two cops on her back really required her full attention at the moment. Who would have guessed that they would stroll past just as she stole those daggers on the market. The merchant didn’t have to shout, the hunt was on.
The second right…now the first left and I should loose them in the Dark Alley. She had everything planned, because the chances that cops will go after her were always high. She wasn’t good at this pick-pocketing, yet.
To make up for it, she helped to grow her natural thief intelligence.
She made sure, that she won’t run into anyone. Those people were obstacles, but it would take longer to get up after crashing into them, then maneuvering around. Besides, she surely would be pissed off, if someone would bang into her.
Here it was, the Dark Alley. It was called the Dark Alley because…well it was dark in there. Especially now, that the sun was too tired to show up again. Cops usually tried to catch Eva’s fellow thieves before they reached this alley. But just reaching it didn’t provide her with safety just yet.
She turned around and looked straight into their faces. They had their short swords out and were slowly walking towards her. She tried to fake freight in her eyes. Apparently it was working, as they seemed to gain more and more confidence. The looking at each other for assurance of every step was becoming less casual.
This was exactly what she was aiming for. Now she had to play along for a little more and everything would be just fine. Not only she used the Dark Alley, as most of the thieves, she also knew the secret of it. Most of her colleagues, usually used it as a place where they could just ‘hide in shadows’, they never wonder why none of the street lamps in an alley as dark as this one didn’t work. To be honest, she didn’t care about it either, at start. She started caring when the trick of ‘hiding in the shadows’ didn’t work for her. Since then, she found out how else she could use the Dark Alley to her advantage.
She could feel the wall. The dead end. She put her hands behind her, just to prove to herself that the wall was really there and when she achieved this, the search for a particular brick started. It was almost an routine for her. In a matter of seconds, she knew today’s trip to Dark Alley was about to come to an end.
Just to make sure the plan was really going to work, and you can never be sure, she looked slightly to her left. It was the kind of look, which wasn’t really easy to notice. But the cops turned their heads into similar direction. Great, their eyes have adapted to the darkness. It’s gonna be easier than I expected.
She pushed the brick inside, closed her eyes and started running toward the cops. She assumed that they couldn’t see her, as she was allowed to run outside of the alley, which couldn’t be called the Dark Alley for a couple of seconds.
That trick always worked. Not many people knew that the brick she pushed was actually a switch to all the lamps in the alley. It was damaged enough and worked only for about ten seconds, but it gave her enough time to run away. A human eye gets blinded for a few seconds after such a chunk of light proceeded by a darkness.
She ran for a while, but started slowing down, walking casually, hood down. They never suspected someone with her hood down, especially if she had it up when they were following her. Reverse psychology…or something like that anyway.
So, as the night was substituted by the day in 0:00, she made it to the guild. It was her home. She didn’t have anyone else in town besides her fellow thieves and robbers. She was sorry that she took her time, but she couldn’t go straight to the guild after being followed by cops, even if she lost them. You can never be too sure.
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Michael
Site Admin
Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 213
Location: Baltimore MD, USA
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2007 3:17 pm Post subject: |
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In general, it isn't bad at all, although I can see a number of problems with it. When I'm not so disoriented from pain medicine I'll go over more carefully and let you know what needs improvement. Remember, it is good, so keep it up!
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